As I get deeper and deeper into my eating disorder it becomes harder to see my way out. When I stand up now, my head spins. I've stopped calling treatment facilities- stopped signing up for studies and am wanting to stop therapy because none of these people seem to understand that I don't know if I have the capacity any longer to get better.
I'm 19 years old, I'm looking at a vastly abbreviated lifespan and while I'm not okay with that I think that I accept it.
Food terrifies me. I love to cook so I cook up the most beautiful looking food and I stare at it when it's completed and try desperately to will it away. I can no longer eat anything that has more than three ingrediants because food, especially when its not in its simplest form, just seems so complicated. Everything seems complicated lately; food, breathing, eating, sleeping, school.
If I don't get the Tracey Gold Project, I am moving to Colorado.
Thought's aren't making sense anymore, I keep going in and out.
Austen
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